First days actually are the worst... always.

This is the first September in 17 years that I am not scrambling to get school supplies, stressing out about buying a new 'trendy' Fall wardrobe, worrying about future tests and homework, and absolutely dreading the next nine months of academic torture that is the school year. You would think that this new found freedom from the worries of school life would leave me at peace, with no worries... but no. September 4th came and I was sooo nervous for the first day of school! I couldn't believe it, I felt so jaded! I had all the symptoms: stomach ache, no appetite, loss of focus, and every little thing sent me over the edge into complete meltdown mode. The only thing missing was me breaking down into tears by lunchtime out of despair (up until the 4th grade I cried in class on the first day of school every year, how I ever had any friends after that embarrassment is still a mystery to me). I can't really put a finger on where this overwhelming anxiety came from; I didn't have to go to class, there would be no assignments to do and I didn't have to face sitting in a classroom and not knowing anyone... and then I got to campus. The place was crawling with people! Where do all these people come from? Fall semester in Provo is like a premature end to a wonderful vacation from reality. During spring and summer Provo clears out and people go home. The streets are clear, you never have trouble getting a parking place, you never wait to be seated at a restaurant and you can actually show up to the theater right before the movie starts and still get a ticket. It really is a wonderful thing. Back to the first day of school... as I was walking across campus to go to work dodging people left and right I realized why I was nervous. Everyone else was nervous! It is contagious. Then I came to another sad, sad realization: I will forever be a total 'nut case' on the Tuesday after Labor Day, if it's not me going to school, it will be Zach and when it's not Zach, it will be my kids going to school... I don't even want to imagine the mess I will be when that day comes. School stress will be something that will haunt me til the day I die. I need to get used to it I guess. For as much as I hated school, I find it ironic that I chose to work in education after graduating. Not only do I work on campus, I work in the Education Department. How cruel.