Back to School

Students all over Provo are celebrating the end of another semester at BYU. Classes ended yesterday and by next Wednesday all finals will be completed and students will be well on their way to enjoying a whole summer off. For the Bellows, however, as one set of classes ended another began. Last night was the first session of our prenatal classes up at the hospital.

Since I know you are all intensely interested in our journey to parenthood, I'm sure there are some questions you would like answered.

• Was the class informative? Yes.
• Was it boring at some parts? You bet.
  
• Were the handouts poor-quality photocopies that looked like they were from 1994? Most definitely. The list of what to bring to the hospital included a "Long distance calling card" and "Extra film for your camera." Oh, the good old days before cell phones and digital cameras...
  
• Were the chairs unbelievably uncomfortable? Affirmative. Which was a little ironic seeing as half of the class was 32+ weeks pregnant.
  
• Did they provide snacks? Sadly, no.
• Are Zach and I mature enough to handle the information and diagrams shared in the class without laughing out loud at some parts? Nope, not at all.
• Does that make us horrible parents? Maybe.
  

We didn't really know what to expect, but when I was imagining the class I was hoping for something informative, uncomfortable, exciting, shocking and horrifying all at the same time. I think it is safe to say that last night did not disappoint.

Not wanting to be late to our first day, I made us leave for the class a full hour early. We stopped for dinner at Panda Express, thus ensuring the entire night would not be totally wasted if the class ended up being dumb. We got to the hospital with plenty of time to spare and yes, we felt extremely dorky walking into the hospital a full 20 minutes before the class was scheduled to start and asking where the class was going to be held. I'm sure the receptionist made fun of us after we walked away; it would have been shameful had she not, seeing as she had every right to. We found the room empty and decided to wait in the lobby until other people showed up. Not too long after we sat down in the lobby, another couple came and we followed them into the classroom, successfully avoiding any awkward one on one conversation with the instructor.

The instructor was an endearing older woman named Gudrun. I don't think that's even a real word let alone a name, but she can call herself whatever she wants as long as she can tell me how to get this baby out of me. She opened the class by explaining, "I've been up since 4am, so if I say anything weird just raise your hand and ask me about it." Haha, real assuring there Gudrun. We then went around the room and introduced ourselves. We told everyone our due date, what we were having, who our doctor was and what hospital we would be delivering at. There were a couple of women in the class due before us and a few due after us. I was excited when the girl next to me was due a whole month after me! It was a little like a race, and I was totally winning! Plus, not to be rude, but she totally looked bigger than I did a month ago and that was reassuring to my fragile ego. Is that bad?

With introductions out of the way, Gudrun said, "I want the husbands to answer this. How has your wife changed since being pregnant?" You could sense every male in the room tense up. No one wanted to offer an answer with their wife sitting right next to them. Smart husbands. When it became apparent that no one was going to answer the question and face the wrath of their pregnant wife afterward, Gudrun just answered it for them. She went over all the changes we could be experiencing. Boring! We have been at this whole pregnancy thing for over 32 weeks now. I think we know how we have changed. Moving on. She asked if any of us had experienced cravings and what they were. Lots of people shared. It was corn dogs for one girl, olives for another, fruit loops for another and then one girl raised her hand and said she had cravings for "fruits and vegetables and other healthy things." Hmm, bad answer. I'm pretty sure she was the least favorite person in the room at that moment.

I quickly realized that the internet is just as smart as our dear friend Gudrun. I had already read a lot of the information she was sharing online on my own. I will give her credit though, the internet did not have nearly as many outdated posters and diagrams and awkward visual aides. I think my favorite was the dilation chart she showed us. It looked like a stencil I have for scrap booking. It was a pink plastic sheet with different sized circles cut out (1 cm, 2 cm, 3 cm... and so on). For some reason, Gudrun thought that by showing how many fingers she could fit in each circle she would better illustrate her point. Really it just made everyone uncomfortable and I could hardly keep a straight face. The best was when she referenced one of the girls' doctors and said, "For example, at 1 cm I can fit like one finger in, but Dr. Gordon probably couldn't. He has really big hands." Poor girl, I could see her turn bright red. Awkward!

Another highlight of the evening was talking about what we wanted out of the delivery. My thought was, "umm, a baby?" I was wrong. Apparently, there are lots of things to think about before you go to deliver. One of which is what type of atmosphere you want to create. Gudrun said we can bring our own CD and they will play it while we are in labor. For example, if you want to picture yourself on a beach in Hawaii you should bring some ocean sounds or Hawaiian music. I say, why stop there? Why not have your doctor sport a bright Hawaiian shirt and have the nurses all wear flower leis. You could even serve pina coladas and light some tiki torches while you're at it. Theme party anyone?

The relaxation techniques were pretty awesome as well. Gudrun suggested that we find a focal point to concentrate on during contractions. She also said we could have our coach sing us a song whenever we feel a contraction coming on. Can you even imagine? What a sight that would be; a woman going through a contraction all while her husband is busting out in song next to her. I think I would pay good money to watch something like that. It sounds very entertaining.

Like I said, last night's class did not disappoint. Next week we get our hospital tour and, are you ready for this?, videos! Basically, it's going to be awesome.

Now I just need to decide what song I want Zach to sing while baby boy is making his big debut... any suggestions?