Everybody's Got A Story.

Being on the pregnant end of pregnancy has given me a whole new outlook on what an awkward topic pregnancy can be for some people. No one quite knows what to say. And to those people I say, "Please don't say anything. It is almost always better to say nothing than to say something strange and awkward." Working in an office like mine, I should probably get this tid-bit of advice engraved in stone and display it for all to see.

Everyday I can count on atleast one person to make a weird comment that leaves me feeling a.) violated, b.) slightly offended, or c.) awkward, violated and slightly offended. A few that stand out in mind are:

• A man walks by my desk and asks "how are you doing?" all while motioning his hands over an imaginary pregnant belly (ok, weird!). I say, "just fine." He responds, "Can you still see your feet?" (um, that's rude!) I say, "yes" and hope he keeps walking. He laughs and walks away.
• One day the questions had gotten so annoying that I decided to answer everything opposite of what the person would expect. I was at the copy machine and a woman comes in. No 'good morning' or 'how are you?'. She gets right down to, "So are your clothes starting to get tighter?" I simply say, "No, not at all. It's been great!" (I am clearly wearing maternity clothes at this point) A little taken aback she says, "Well I don't know if it's the clothes you've been wearing or not, but I've really been able to tell you are pregnant the past few days." Wow. Thanks.
• The same day I discovered I could no longer fit into my normal jeans, a man walked by me, looked me up and down and said, "You are looking especially ...{searches for a word}... impacted today." I just said, "Wow, thank you. I needed to hear that. Especially today." Luckily, he is not totally socially retarded and felt bad. Later that day he told me that his wife told him that he can only say nice things to me from now on. I told him that his wife was correct and thank goodness for him that he has a wife.

Today proved to be the same as all the others. I had a doctors appointment this morning and came into work a little later than usual. I walked over to the other office to write my next appointment on the calender and stopped at the other full time secretary's desk to chat. (She is about 27 weeks pregnant, I am 24.) We were just chit chatting about my appointment and other baby things when a man who shall remain nameless walked out of his office and right into our conversation bubble. Amber and I awkwardly ended our conversation and looked at the man, waiting to see what he wanted. He jumped right in and said, "Sorry to be eavesdropping, but have I ever told you about the birth of my first child?"

Sensing the train wreck that would most certainly follow I said, "Um, do I really want to hear this?" and me and Amber shared some nervous laughter. My comment didn't deter him one bit. He went on to tell us this cute little story: "I was a junior in college. My wife called me and said we needed to talk. She had toxemia. She had to be admitted to the hospital right away. They tried to induce her but she didn't react to the Pitocin. They ended up having to take the baby out by C-section. He was only 4 pounds." That was the end of his story. How comforting. Thank you for that.

As I embark on my last 16 weeks of pregnancy, I'm sure the comments will only get more offensive and the stories more bizarre.

At least it will keep things interesting, right?